Brad and I have been married for six months as of yesterday. Although we've been extremely happy, so much so that we hear people gagging wherever we go, there were a few things that made our lives harder, funnier, or just different. Such as:
- Sleeping in the same bed as someone else. (This is only what happened for the first few weeks. We have compromised.)
- Getting ready for bed: Kenzie: Can we fall asleep while cuddling? Brad: Well…um…how about we just hold hands? Three o’clock in the morning: Brad: I love you so much that I’m going to cuddle with you and stroke your hair and play footsie with you. Kenzie: I was sleeping here, stay on your own side of the bed!
- Sleep Talking.
- Brad: We have to save the paper, Kenzie! Kenzie: Why do we have to save the paper? Brad: For the bullets! Kenzie: What bullets. Brad: For the targets!
- Shaking my shoulder Brad: You have to be careful. You’re dangerous. Kenzie: Why am I dangerous? Brad: …
- Getting ready for bed: Kenzie: More blankets! More blankets! Brad: Are you crazy? My proteins will denature! (Brad would like to point out that he doesn’t know what proteins denaturing means and that he did not actually say those precise words.) Three o’clock in the morning: Kenzie: I’m going to suffocate! Brad: More blankets! More blankets!
- Playing tug-of-war with the blankets in the middle of the night and then having to wake up your husband because there is no way you’re going to win.
- Getting ready for bed: Kenzie: I’m so glad we’re married. Three o’clock in the morning: Kenzie: There’s a man in my bed! Why is he there?!?! Get out, get out, get out! Brad grabs my hand and shows me my ring, Brad: See! I married you. I’m allowed to be here. Go to sleep!
- 10:45 p.m.: Brad: The night is young! The stars are bright! Kenzie: zzzzzzzzzzzz
- 6:30 a.m.: Kenzie: Oh what a beautiful morning! Oh what a beautiful day! Brad: I don’t want to get up and I don’t want to be happy and LET ME SLEEP!
- Brad: Don’t you think you have too many shoes? Kenzie: Is this really the man I married? You should know better than that.
- Kenzie: You’re so wrinkled! I look like a terrible wife. Can I iron it for you? Please, please, please? Brad: No.
- Kenzie: I’m a terrible cook! Brad: It’s okay, you’ll get better. Kenzie: Valiant effort. This is the part where you say, “But it was delicious, my dear sweet perfect wife!”
- Kenzie: You can’t mash potatoes with a
hand mixer! (You can’t open a can with a hammer, you can’t put pancake
flour in pizza dough, etc.) Brad:
We
6. Bad moods. Kenzie: I’m fat and ugly and I don’t know why you wanted to marry me. Sniff, Sniff, Sniff.
- First month of marriage: Brad: That’s so not true! You’re skinny and beautiful and I love you!
- Sixth month of marriage: Brad: Here’s some chocolate and a chick flick. And now I will cuddle with you and stroke your hair.
- I had pretty much gotten used to cooking for one. Now I cook for two, which means cooking five times as much as I did before.
- Out of the four places we’ve lived in the last six months, two of them have had the hot water go out while we were there. We’re cursed.
- Borrowing your husband’s phone, finding “Mom’s Cell” in contacts, then realizing halfway through your conversation that you are not actually talking to your own mother, but your mother-in-law.
- Calling your brother-in-law (Bruce) your husband’s name (Brad). Or worse yet, calling your husband your sister’s name (Brecklyn). Too many Br’s.
- Moving in with your in-laws and sharing a bathroom with three girls; your wife, and two sisters-in-law.
- One Week After Marriage: Meet a new person, Kenzie: Hi, I'm McKenzie Smith. Ten minutes later conversation still going, Kenzie: Just kidding! Just kidding! I'm not McKenzie Smith! I'm McKenzie Clawson. Just got married. Whew. Weird.
- I'm pretty expert into turning an S into a C, because I always, always, always start signing Smith first.
- Person on the phone: Hi, is this Sister Clawson? Kenzie: Actually this is her daughter-in-law, would you like her phone number? Wait...Oh yeah, yeah, that's me.
