That explains why they're thieving miscreants, but why are they abusive? Let me tell you. Once upon a time, I was a sweet, innocent, little freshman who just wanted to get a scantron to take her History of Jazz test. The Book Store was packed with people so I chose to use the handy-dandy student oriented vending machine across the hall, which holds scantrons, blue books, granola bars, pencils, and pretty much anything a student would want. She put her $1.50 in and watched her pack of scantrons drop. She put her hand into the slot to grab it, but it would not come out. It was too big. It would not come out. I was reminded of when I read Where the Red Fern Grows in elementary school. They caught raccoons by putting something in a hole that the raccoon would want, their paw would fit on the way in but the hole wasn't big enough for them to get their paw out while holding the treat. That day I was a raccoon. I would not let go, I wanted to take my test! So I pulled and pulled and pulled while astonished passersby gave me looks I'll be telling my therapist about twenty years from now. Eventually my desperate endeavors bore fruit. I got my scantrons but I left a good portion of my skin behind.
My relationship with vending machines went downhill today. This morning I could not find a blue book for my music history final. For those of you unfamiliar with the world of higher education, blue books are a torture device favored by professors. Of course it would be unreasonable to allow us to take exams on our very own lined paper, we (under threat of failing) must use university-approved lined paper. I would understand it if they passed the blue books out right before the test. That would insure that no one would cheat and write things down beforehand. But we provide them ourselves. Great logic, professor.
Blue books look something like this:
Because the university book store is not open in time to cater to panicked students taking 7:30 a.m. finals I was forced to use the dreaded vending machine once more. Upon arriving I encountered two other students who were having troubles with the vending machine. However, I had already fought with this vending machine and come out conqueror so I stepped up to be the hero. No such luck. I tried to buy 3 packs of blue books (five in each pack) and they all got stuck. They were wedged between the glass and the scantrons so we tried to buy a scantron. Silly desperate students. It didn't work. So I tried buying a pack of the smaller blue books. They too got stuck. Getting desperate I attacked the vending machine with every ounce of ferocity I possess. I kicked, I shoved, I reached up into the belly of the beast. By the time I was thoroughly exhausted they began to fall. Triumphant, we grabbed them and passed the pack of five around to the (conveniently) five people waiting.
And that is how I got one blue book for the price of 20 (plus one pack of scantrons.)
