On Good Friday I had an incredible opportunity to perform Bach's Johannespassion (St. John Passion) with the American Festival Chorus. The performance was part of the Good Friday service at St. John's Episcopal Church in Logan, UT. That was the Episcopalian part of my Easter. Bach was Lutheran, Reverend Paul Heins from the 1st Presbyterian Church said the prayer, and it was a Mormon Easter because I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, so that is where I attended my Easter Sunday Service. It was pretty great to go to church on Easter Sunday with my new in-laws.
Besides just the jaw-dropping beauty of Bach choral works, this Easter weekend experience reminded me of a few things I hold dear and also taught me some new things.
1. I am a musician in order to better express my love, praise, and gratitude to my Father in Heaven and my Savior. I lose track of that sometimes. It's similar to when I'm learning a really difficult piece and I get so caught up in learning the tricky notes and chords that I forget to keep track of the phrase and overall structure of the entire work. As I go throughout my life, practicing, trying to earn any money, cleaning my apartment, going to class, studying, rehearsing, applying for jobs, I lose track of the reason behind what I'm doing. I just keep going and going. My practice time will be more effective if when I'm going through my scale routine for the third time that day, I remember that I love to play music for my Savior. A simple truth, but it helps me.
2. Sometimes it is better to stop talking about every point of doctrine that separates churches and remember what we have in common. It is beautiful to me when a hall is packed with people of various backgrounds, lives, professions, goals, and churches who all want to praise Christ for his incredible love for us. Yes, there were many people there just to hear Bach because he's amazing. But I know I wasn't the only one pondering on the incredible sacrifice that Christ made for me.
3. The music also taught me to like Pontius Pilate a little bit more, oddly enough. When I was little we had a cartoon that told the story of Easter. Pilate was portrayed as fat, sloppy, and kind of gross. He sat there and ate grapes as Christ stood before him. As a result, that's always how I've pictured him. But as I listened to the singer that sang his lines, I thought, would I be any better? Now I picture Pilate more like Agrippa, who was almost persuaded to be a Christian, but he feared men too much. I now see Pilate sitting before the Christ with respect. He had heard the stories. He may not have been a Jew waiting for the Messiah, but the power of the miracles that had been performed was still there. Over and over he says to the Jews, "I find no fault in him at all." Not until after they remind him that he cannot admit any man is a king but Caesar, does he give up. Caesar controls his power and he wants to keep it.
How common is that problem? We feel respect and awe and joy as we sit in church, but then we go out into the world, and we're reminded that having faith is not popular. In popular culture those with faith are often portrayed as less intelligent. Sometimes I wonder if I have enough courage to say what I believe when others are judging me for it.When I'm struggling with the question of if I have enough courage, I ask myself, Pilate or Peter? Peter also ended up denying he knew Christ that day, but he repented. He spent the rest of his life proclaiming that Jesus was, is, and always will be the Christ, our Savior, Redeemer, and Friend. I hope I can do the same.
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