What I Learned When I Cleaned Out My Closet

I don't have a glamorous wardrobe. That's such an understatement that I chuckle as I write it. In the past several years I've had a small, nearly nonexistent clothing budget, and I've had two babies and a smattering of stressful circumstances that have made my weight bounce around like a chocolate loving kangaroo. (Pretend like that simile makes sense, please and thank you.) This means that everything in my closet either doesn't fit or is worn out. When I put away my maternity clothes and started wearing my regular clothes again a few months ago, getting dressed every morning was depressing. I look terrible. I have nothing to wear. I look so frumpy. Bah, humbug.

So I decided to throw everything away and start over.

Just kidding. I can't afford that. Instead, I put everything that had holes or a really terrible fit in a laundry basket and put it in another room for a little while. I was left with about five shirts. Five. And I love it. I went from thinking almost every day that I had to go shopping right now and buy all the things, to thinking that I should keep my eye out for some sandals and a new nursing friendly dress, but it's not an emergency. Wearing clothes that I had to constantly pull at to stay comfortable or that were incredibly not flattering was emotionally exhausting and it wasn't working for me. I have a toddler and a newborn. I have no emotional energy to spend on my closet.

This is the part where my mom asks me how often I have to do laundry. (Hi, Mom! Thanks for being the only person who reads my blog!) I do laundry about every five minutes because my baby is a never-ending fountain of spit and pee, so this really hasn't changed that. In fact, my favorite items don't get lost in the laundry anymore because there are so few things I always know where everything is. It's pretty great.

Energized by this Marie Kondo-style success in my life, I decided to clean up my time.

What is wearing me out?

Instagram, Pinterest, mindlessly surfing headlines.

What doesn't fit?

Watching a lot of Netflix, I really would rather read. Multitasking looks pretty unflattering on me, it seems to emphasize all of my problem spots (crankiness.)

Somehow cutting out a bunch of stuff has made my life feel more full. Time playing with my kids is more joyful, I'm reading more, writing more, getting more done, and most of all, I'm thinking more. I am consciously keeping my phone in my pocket when I feel a jolt of boredom, guilt, or anxiety instead of self-medicating with social media browsing. I'm trying to lean into uncomfortable feelings and examine why I feel that why.

I haven't cut out social media completely. Surfing through Instagram and reading blogs is fun and enjoyable, but only when it doesn't take over my life.  When I make time for the things that really bring me joy (reading, practicing my violin, writing, exercise), the things that suck the joy out of me (laundry, picking up the same box of blocks for the millionth time) don't seem as exhausting. What I'm trying to say is: I'm a little bit less threadbare, and my life is becoming a little bit more flattering. All I had to do was treat it like my closet.

And because every post needs a picture, a blurry picture deep from the archives of my phone (March 2016.) Amelia is way more fashionable than I am.